I’ve always thought that if worst came to worst, I’d still be okay. I thought my faith was strong enough. I thought my trust was great enough. Then when my son had his bike accident a few weeks ago, I faced a moment where all of that was tested. For just a moment, when I felt the worst could be possible, I didn’t think I could be okay.

These are big moments. When your faith is tested, and your eyes are opened to the truth of your weakness. When your lack of trust is exposed. These are big moments for growth.

I’ve had to step back and ask myself some really tough questions. I’ve had to think through and process some really hard things. I couldn't enter my studio for weeks. For the first time, painting felt like an anxiety trigger, instead of therapy. 

Through all the processing, here's the truth that I’ve found. He is at work in all things. For the good of those who love Him. For His glory. His glory, our good.

“As you do not know the way the spirit comes to the bones in the womb of a woman with child, so you do not know the work of God who makes everything. In the morning sow your seed, and at evening withhold not your hand, for you do not know which will prosper, this or that, or whether both alike will be good.”
‭‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭11‬:‭5‬-‭6‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I will keep sowing. I will keep painting. I will keep going.

I will keep growing.

Out of the heavy darkness that weighed over me in March, I'm bringing you just one painting. One painting, the first and only painting I've done in my studio in a month. On this natural, raw canvas, I worked out a lot of raw emotion. What it took was a new medium to separate myself from pain and find beauty.